Welcome To A Scarecrow's Dream

A Scarecrow's Dream Winged Warrior of the Gods- One The Winged Warrior of the Gods Two Quest for the Black Rose Broken Protocal Broken Protocal - Two Family Ties  The Vines of our Lives  The Adventures Of Titter The Squirrel  Heaven's Reluctant Soul Aprayla's Path  Santa's Lazy Elf The Scarecrow's Blog My Photos Favorite Links My Files

About The Author / scarecrow@ascarecrowsdream.com

Pamela J. McConnell, Who is she and what makes her tick? Well I guess I would be the best one to ask, since that's who I am!  For as long as I can remember, I have been writing great and wonderous adventures. If not on paper I have lived them in my mind. I have even lived out a few in my life while here on planet earth, but none so incredible as the ones in my head.  Unfortunately, growing up most of them stayed in my head, never to be captured on paper.  You see, I grew up in the 50's, they didn't know very much about dyslexia. So teachers just thought I was unteachable.  Some even told me I would never amount to anything, but here I am! 

Perhaps I should begin at the beginning.  I was born on Thanksgiving Day 1950. I was the fourth child of Edwin and Helen McConnell it was November 23 in Mishawalka, Indiana. Over the years I found my father and nephew, were also dyslexic. As well as one of my sons so it apparently runs in the gene pool. My father was able to cover his inability to read and write by working manual labor jobs, that over the years kept the family living decent. However, it made me feel quite stupid, and being a tender-hearted child, I took it inward for many years. Of course, if you hear something enough times as a child, you kind of take that as reality.
 
They say curiosity is what killed the cat, but it was my haven.  It led me to a deep passion to understand my world.  I was all too ready and willing to try new things.  Unfortunately, like the cat, my curiousity often landed me in some troublesome mischief.  I didn't finish high school never even went.  I married young to the first guy with a car and a job, who asked, but I did not find married life suitable.  In fact, I found it boring!  I would rather have lived one of the grand adventures my mind had created. Soon I was a sixteen year old bride, isolated on a hilltop miles away from people with no transportation, and all the junk food I could eat.  I quickly blossomed from a cute 105 pounds to a sizable 245 pounds. I mean, there's only so many times a person can clean the house!  TV and my puppy were my only companions.  I really didn't like myself as a child, but I began to loathe myself at this point.  I encountered the "fight or flight" feelings every day. I never was much of a person for confrontation, So guess what? After a few years I said  bye-bye now. By then I was 19 years old alone with two young sons and free to do as I wished. But now what?
 
I was unable to even care for myself, with me going in and out of hospitals, let alone provide a good stable home for my two young sons. So I let them go to their father, hoping he would give them the stability I couldn't and as their father he would love and care for them. I didn't know at the time I was sending them into 8 years of pure hell. Read all about it in The Forbidden Line if and when I ever publish it.  
 
I made what I thought was the right choice for my sons. I was still very naive and having to trust others around me for guidance.  Unfortunately, their guidance was usually more beneficial to them. Lies and deception became toxic poison to my mind and heart.  Between the lies and the worlds inside my head, I seriously could not tell fantasy from reality My sense of reality had become seriously questionable even to myself. 
 
I went in search of the world and ending up in different states, without knowing how I got there.  However, the hospitals I found myself in, were all too happy to tell me exactly where I was.  I did not find it amusing insted at times I found it rather fearful.  Why was I in a hospital?  According to the very nice men/woman in the white coats, I apparently was not in touch with reality. I personally felt that the world they called non-reality was a much nicer place to be. I was told at one point I had been catatonic for eight days.  I don't remember any of it. If I did, I certainly would have written a novel of the world I visited. Perhaps, this is where my story, Aprayla's Path, originated from. Who knows? You see, I remember starting the story, but wrote it while I was asleep.
 
At any rate, they gave me a very long title to wear as my crown.  Ready? Here goes.  (Schizophrenic-paranoic, with suicidal tendencies and spurts of amnesia.) I wore this crown for about 10 years, going in and out of hospitals to prove my worthiness of this grand coronation. At least it was a much grander title than stupid. Why not live it to the fullest, right? 
 
It was then I found a therapist named, Dr. Robert E. Adler.  He took that long heavy crown away and gave me a much more interesting title; MPD also known as Multiple Personality Disorder.  Once he began working with me under hypnosis and talk therapy, I was able to stop the trips to the hospital and quit taking the pounds of medication I had been trying to function with. My road to recovery truely began here. I began to have hope of bettering my life.  I remember at about 25 years old, having the first conscious thought that I was a human being, and had rights to have feelings. I don't know what I thought I was before then, but this realization helped me feel real self worth for the first time I can remember. Dr. Adler and I worked together for 18 years. 
 
I had already kept a journal for many years, but it was during this time I started writing short stories.  Soon after that, my short stories weren't so short anymore, so they had to be called novels. It was also during this time, that I went back to school at the local JC. Today, my new titles are Author and the best one of all was given by my eleven year old granddaughter “I'm her best-est BFF!” My goal is to turn the page of life,  putting all this negativity far behind me and start enjoying life. My first is to stop trying and do it. And I am proud to say I did! I am turning my Disability into an Ability. Just this year I published the first of many books to come.( The Winged Warrior of the Gods ). You can read a sample preview of The Winged Warrior among the titles at the top of this page.  As always I hope you enjoy the read. I have set up an on line book signing. Now you can buy a signed copy of The Winged Warrior of the Gods right here just look for the copy of the book at the bottom of the page and click on it, and it will take you to paypal and I will send a signed copy ASAP.    
   
"Pamela's creative ability has few limits, painting picture after picture in the readers mind as they journey through the many stories she has written.
Her passion for writing comes from her need to escape reality as she struggles to make each day all it can be for her and those around her."
 
 
A Close Friend
 
Tammis J. Kay   
 

Dreams Come True And God Answers Prayer

 
The question I get asked most is how do you start being a writer?
 My answer is simple and always the same.You get yourself a fresh, clean piece of paper, and a nice sharp pencil and sit down somewhere. In reality, writing is therapy for me. It's a way for me to escape the realities of life and it's many disappointments. When I write I find myself enclosed in a world all my own; a place where no one can intrude or change anything. It is a world where I am in control. Nothing right or wrong can happen unless I choose it to.
I create everything, from the people, and what they do and say to the weather, or even if they are inside or out. What I say goes. Not so in real-life right?
 
In real life, my life was a disasterous mess looking for a place -any place- to happen. My childhood was abusive, to say the least, which caused me some long term mental health issues, which I still fight to this day. So, what did I do to get past this?
 

During therapy, I decided to put myself back in school at the local Jr.College and try again to pass the GED. I had already taken the test four times and was only fifteen points away from passing. I tried one more time and still couldn't quite get there. The dyslexia was getting in the way once again.

I was already on SSI so I had the support. I also got my classes free, grants paid for my books, and being unable to work, I had a lot of free time on my hands. What better way to spend it, than bettering myself? Knowing my weaknesses, I spent long hours studying Math and English. I took all the labs uncountable times. I gave it 200%, but I didn't ever pass the GED, so I let it go. I wasn't going to let that one test set my self-value. I was enjoying the classes I was taking.  School was good for me. It gave my days purpose. For three and a half years, I took everything from psychology to astronomy.  It was great to see A's and B's for the first time in my life in most of my classes. I liked this me. If it wasn't for me not passing the general education requirements (The GED) I would now have my AA Degree. I only quit going after finding I could go no further with out having it. It wasn't until a few years after quitting school that I took some tests showing I had dyslexia.  I finally understood why I could never spell well or do math. That's why I was never able to pass that awful test! Suddenly I didn't feel stupid anymore! I felt challgened. Which meant I was not hopeless. It just meant I was going to try harder then most people, and be happy with the results. Knowing I tried my best. So I guess It was my own self worth I was trying to increase at that point. No one else mattered they had all written me off years before.     

 

Among the classes I chose was a creative writing class. Even with my awful spelling my instructors saw something in me that inpressed them. As a result they called a special meeting of the english dept. and decided I would be graded on content only. They could do this because I was only going  to school for my own personal gain, rather than a degree or vocation.  It was in this class at Santa Rosa Jr. College. I started a book called The Magical Adventures Of Pegasus now renamed The Winged Warrior Of The Gods. That was 30 plus  years ago. Over the years I kept writting and soon it became a trilogy of so far three books the third still in progress. I have been a writer for many years now, with many of shorts stories, poems and a few novels. But now, I can claim a new title and will wear my crown proudly; "Published Author"! 
 

I can truly say I have finally reached a pinnacle to my life long quest. I have turned My DISABILITY INTO AN ABILITY. I hope by sharing my own story that it will inspire others like me to step away from the fake titles and heavy crowns, that have been placed on them and reach out to find one of their own choosing.

Thank You All For Your Help And Support!   

 
 

A childhood dream became reality the day I seen my book in the window of a local bookstore. It brought tears tp my eyes.

The Winged Warrior Of The God's

 Quest For The Black Rose Winged Warrior Of The Gods Book Two

Heavens Reluctant Soul

Aprayla's Path

Santa's Lazy Elf

The Adventures Of Titter The Squirrel 

Broken Protocol 

Broken Protocol Two Family Ties

Books Still In Progress 

Bessa's Shoes

 Pray For Your Angel

The Forbidden Line

Un-Welcome Un-Wanted

Winged Warrior Of The Gods

Book Three: KaLanda's Gift

 

Why The Scarecrow

A lot of people ask me why I call myself the Scarecrow. Well, back in 1977 Dan Fogelberg came out with a song on his Netherlands album called "Scarecrow's Dream". The lyrics spoke so perfectly about how I felt. It was as if this man knew everything about me.I also I denafy my writing with the tin man who felt he needed a heart, and the lion who needed courage, and of course the scarecrow who needed a brane. I found all three in that story.    So I became The Scarecrow who seemed to have all three by the end of the movie.

Turning My Disability Into An Ability

Don't get me wrong. I am greatful for all the help I have gotten over the years, but I have always dreamed of becoming self-supporting. I tried many times to get DVR to train me to do some kind -- any kind of work, but their response was always the same - "...you have been found to be nontrainable at this time." I still have the letters. Do you know what a letter like that does to a person's self- esteem? What I heard was "you are of no value".
 
So to prove to myself they were wrong, I put myself in college, even though I never was able to graduate high school or pass the GED. I taught myself how to use a computer, how to type, and how to research topics. I also found I had a passion as well as a talent as an author. In recent years, I have discovered the value of having an editor, also.  An inability to spell does not mean I can't create and it doesn't mean that I have no value!
 
I am convinced if I hadn't gotten sick and then got all the support I have needed up to this point, I never would have been able to have realized this dream ever coming true.  There are many who take the help, and are satisfied with living day to day.  I couldn't hear that I wasn't trainable, and could not accept the concept that I had no value to society.  I believe we all have value and have / can, in some way, contribute to society.  I believed, and have now proven that my disability has been turned into an ability.
 
 
To join the on line book signing just click on the sample of (The Winged Warrior of the Gods-one) at the top of this page and click on the  book at the end of the sample to take you to paypal and I will sign and send you your copy right away.